Poetry – My Church Family Condemns Me

 

My church family condemns me

Oh I  must confess that was not their intentions

It started all-out good

Till it became something that suffocates me

The church, the rules, the dos and the don’t

Working on the exterior I still wonder why sins bellow in my interiors

Look right, talk right, smile right

Oh lift up those holy hands

And those skirt na it got to be longer

 

You know what, I will back off to awhile back

It started with zeal or fear- I believe it was fear

I did not want to go to hell

I gave my life to Christ afraid of the worst

ah the foundation wasn’t right that shouldn’t have been my motivation to come to Christ but it was

Scared to death by my preacher’s words I looked my sister in the eyes and we told ourselves let go accept Jesus

So when in my journey I was told do this do that I never saw anything wrong

But then I prayed a prayer from Ephesian and then I grew up and wanted to speak in tongues but my church family was too busy telling about sins that they forgot about the Dear Holy and Loving Spirit

By grace, I found a cure, a solution to that dilemma but in it, I created an opinion a bias-ness to my race and colour. I found a kind of grace and love in the white man world their books, songs, they all spoke more meaning to me than my pastors

But then I created an idol made of man, who became my point of reference, I validated words I heard if an only if they could be traced to that  man I believed in, it wasn’t all that bad the man was used of GOD and mightily used I must add

But what happens when that man or his followers say something that is not the gospel what if they added their flesh to it as we all do

Making man my source through which God spoke was wrong GOD need space to talk and yes He did talk, He broke all the careful ideology I had made up, scattered it into pieces and then picked me up

He spoke HIS truth to me in sources I couldn’t imagine and my spirit my precious Holy Spirit in Me LEAPED. SHE leapt because she had found the truth and my eyes saw it lived by ordinary day to day men I would never have given a thought to before

So for one year my theology and life changed forever – they spoilt what I was used to and left me in the land of the free and it was more than beautiful

But now I am back to my old church what my pastors says sometimes contradict what my spirit says my pastor says to do this and that and God will bless you

My spirit tells me another it is not about what I say, do, it all of God unmerited blessing and so the struggle starts and continues

My pastor’s life is sometimes all I want to be like after all he is rich, blessed and the devil doesn’t oppress him, plus I had a deep revelation of his heart for me- he truly loves me and wants the best for me

But what if what he says on how I get there and my spirit doesn’t agree fully

My pastor’s words are from the scripture they must be God’s will, Nope my Spirit tells me we all subject to our interpretation of the scriptures

HAAA the struggles continue, feeling condemned at church but coming home and talking to God and feeling loved I look for a middle ground some solid ground I hope there is

But while I hope and search out the truth

my church family still continues to condemn me

 

P:S: If this blessed you Please share it

Seun Yewande Williams